The Perfect Formula for a First Date

By Sam Kapur, Co Founder of Guyding Principals.

After living in NYC for over 9 years I have become an expert on first dates.  Having over 100 first dates during this time I have learned a few key points that will give you the best chance for success.

Here is my personal formula.

I start the date out at a nice quite place that has good cocktails.  Try to find a spot where you can sit at the bar instead of a table.   This way you don’t have to figure out if you are going to sit next to your date or across from her.  Now is a great opportunity to start to get to know her better and strike a conversation.  Ask lots of open ended question, basically any question that starts with who, what, where, when, why, or how, this will allow her to do most of the talking while you facilitate the conversation.  Utilize this time to break the “touch barrier”, I’m not talking about anything creepy so get your mind out of the gutter.  While in conversation lightly touch her arm in the area between the elboy and shoulder.  At first the touch should last under a second and then eventually when you build up rapport you can start to linger the touch a bit longer.

After finishing your cocktails head over to the restaurant.  The next destination should be within walking distance of each other keeping in mind that she might be wearing high heels and it could be uncomfortable for her to walk long distances.

Some guys like to go to a restaurant where they might know the staff, I would avoid this.  She might think that you frequently bring your dates there or might get uncomfortable as the staff speaks with you leaving her out of the conversation.

Lastly, end the night with a night cap at a more casual bar that has music, live music is always the best option if this is available.  You want the place to be loud enough to where you will have to be fairly close to each other giving you a reason to speak closer to her ear.   

There is a psychology behind all of this.  First of all the reason you don’t go straight to the restaurant is because it’s tougher to have a conversation when chewing on food.  It’s inevitable that one of you will ask a question while the other person is chewing on food and then you have that awkward moment of silence while waiting for the person to swallow.  

Most women typically get the most comfortable with men after 3 dates.  By going to 3 very different places in the first date it subconsciously simulates 3 dates in their mind and gets them to open up to you sooner.

These are just some suggestions that I have from past experience.  Tell us what has worked for you, or what hasn’t worked.



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