Dating in my thirties.
By Donnavan Finlay. Co-Founder of Guyding Principals.
So I am in my thirties now and still single. Many people ask me when I am planning to get married. This is not something you can really plan. My life just took a different course.
This doesn’t mean that I never want to get married, it’s just been a timing issue. Have I met the right person? Yes. Just at the wrong time in our lives.
This made me think. And I believe I am not alone. When I do actively start dating again (recently relocated), where do I even start? At some point I am going to get tired of being the only single person at a dinner party. In the beginning I thought “how hard can this be”. Well, turns out, pretty hard out there in the dating world. So much has changed. People have changed.
This is what I learned through some experiences.
The playing field is much smaller. This was an eye opener on how little choices a single person in their thirties have. Men and woman. Even on dating apps there are not much participation for someone in my age bracket. I will have to attend as many single mixers and other events as often as I can. Just not so much as to look desperate.
Then when you do have someone interested, there is a chance that person has been married and possibly has children. I have nothing against this, as that is how their lives worked out. You can’t hold something like this against anyone. You have no idea about the choices they had to make. You can’t judge someone’s past by the chapter you walked in on. The one thing you will have to remember. With a possible relationship like this, there will be baggage involved. Think carefully and take it slow.
Stay away from the panic. Some people go into a panic and every new person they meet becomes a date. I am not saying to steer away from a person like this. Just be careful. For your sanity and theirs. When someone starts talking about possible children names and where to live on the first date, I suggest you rethink this person as a possible partner.
Then most dates start to feel like a job interview. People are more set in what they want end expect. Just relax and take it easy. Just be yourself. I know the options are limited. But being single and happy is better than being in a relationship and unhappy.
Then there are the positives. People know what they want. People are clear and honest and don’t play games. Straightforward talk and clear communication sounds good on a date. At least at the end of the evening you will have a clear indication if you want to see each other again. Imagine going on a date with no stress or anxiety. Sounds pretty good to me.
The main thing I suggest is not to panic. Read this article I posted on surviving the first date.